Attitude Adjustment

[ElansarGelmir]

Do you think that keep asserting an opinion to anyone without considering what others have to say is a little annoying? How about those who can't take small shit but expect others to take their vehement assaults as jokes? What do you think?

Let's refrain ourselves from posting names here.... This is not about only person.... Lots of ppl whom i have encountered have this kind of attitude.... Is this what that makes our society these days?

[The_Observer]

Sometimes, you still have to point the finger but always bearing in mind that whenever you point a finget at someone...3 fingers are pointing back at you... :o

[pandaboy]

Sometimes, you still have to point the finger but always bearing in mind that whenever you point a finger at someone...3 fingers are pointing back at you... :o

This is a good one...The_Observer! :wink:
Well said.

[debbie]

We should all bear in mind tht ev'ry one has equal rights to their opinions but I must admit tht malcontent ppl can get one on one's edge.. : )
Insisting on your own thoughts/opinions staunchly is really to your own lost cos then you'll be a narrow minded, malcontent creep whom no one likes. ^_^
I try hard to snap out of my own viewpoint so tht I get to see thru some one elses' lenses...it's not gonna kill so *shrugs* " whtever does not kill me only makes me stronger."
As matured ppl ... or should I say "intellectuals", we should be open minded, trying always not to clash with others' views.Even if we don't agree, we can always pull back in a "gentleman-ly fashion".

Like pandaboy says.. "you agree with me onot?" ^_^ Now tht's wht I term ..."gentleman-ly".. no force implied.

[ElansarGelmir]

Sometimes, you still have to point the finger but always bearing in mind that whenever you point a finget at someone...3 fingers are pointing back at you...

what if we point 5 fingers at the fellow? :D

Ok, so, back to the main topic... how do we get our message across those ppl who insist that they are still right and never admiting their mistakes? Hmm... Many managers are not well trained in attitude wise these days.... Like what happened to my mom's co. This manager (from another branch) cash in a bank cheque without endorsing or writing which account the cheque was supposed to be cashed... He merely dumped the envelope with cheque in the bank and left (dumbass!). And when the KL headquarter found out, he blamed those guys up there for not informing him earlier.... And insists it's no fault of his.... Well, i guess if he just admit his mistake and not blaming others, it would be just passed out as carelessness, and won't make him look stupid, right?

[littlebigone]

I guess sometimes many of us get a little too emotional when we make arguments. The reason is obvious. In arguments, we are trying to convince someone of a certain "truth". We are trying to show that we are right.

If instead during discussions, we understand and embrace the concept that the discussion is about getting the best result and about improvement for everyone. If we understand that there is no right or wrong, then I think there will be fewer people who will act narrow-minded.

With the energy we use to point fingers, we could already take the first few steps to making things better.

This of course is easier said than done.

[ElansarGelmir]

This of course is easier said than done.

sigh, yeah

[cquayhl]

Ok, so, back to the main topic... how do we get our message across those ppl who insist that they are still right and never admiting their mistakes?

I hate confrontation...so usually I just try to jauhkan diri from these sorts of people. But I don't think most people are like that all the time. Try talking reason until your patience runs out, then run far, far away? Whatever you do, don't start shouting back at them...

Of course, I don't follow my own advice. :-P

[wpyeoh]

Sometimes I will talk to them first, but I'm not that patient, so if that person steadfastly refuses to listen, I'll just leave. Otherwise I might just get boiling mad and it wouldn't be good for my health, would it? :wink:

If I have an opinion and what other people say just wont shake it, I usually shrug and say, hey, that's my opinion, you're entitled to yours, but sorry, I'm not changing my mind.

[ElansarGelmir]

Yeah... i have my temper too... Usually, with these kind of ppl around, i can't think straight... sometimes feel like yelling... but to prevent that, i just walk off.... and that's when ppl think i'm arrogant or what...

[gatecrasher]

must say i seldom meet people like this. or maybe i don't realize it? because i tend to avoid ppl i don't feel comfortable with.
when i do deal with someone like this, sometimes i tolerate and give them hints, until my fuse burns. then i'll tell them what i think and skedaddle.
if that's not feasible then i'll water down my words and scoot off.
that's when i can do something about the situation. but what if you're trapped? i once had to seek outside help. :? what a relief it was to be freed from the crap!

[ElansarGelmir]

Huh? trapped? like what?

[gonjeng]

Sometimes I will talk to them first, but I'm not that patient, so if that person steadfastly refuses to listen, I'll just leave. Otherwise I might just get boiling mad and it wouldn't be good for my health, would it? :wink:

If I have an opinion and what other people say just wont shake it, I usually shrug and say, hey, that's my opinion, you're entitled to yours, but sorry, I'm not changing my mind.

dude, i cant agree more on that.

heh i face this almost everyday now, since my boss and some of my workmates are like that. but now, heh, 'alah bisa tegal biasa'

anyway, how i, personally, handle this thingie is... first i consider whether is it a worth-while arguments or not. is it at the cost of your job, for instance, or simply your ego/emotion? if it is the later (which most of my cases are), i would rather adopt my 'whatever' attitude - just swallow it and leave. unless if im the mood of arguing, that is another different story :)

if not, this is the time when you have to exert total control of yourself, be objective rather emotional. damn, once you have shown the emotional side of you, that is when your weaknesses become obvious. sometimes it may help to take a minute or two and put yourself in his/her shoes, trying to see what he/she sees and thus, (hopefully) giving you more understanding on the issue. hence, should give some ideas on how to rebutt or drill your points into his/her hard and thick headed skull :)

heh, this works for me... IMO, neither 100% confrontation nor 100% avoidance are the way to go. these annoying ppl are almost everywhere... and uh, patient is virtue :)

~peace out~

[chenchow]

I would say that it would be good to initiate a good friendship from the start, i.e. build a good relationship from the start, that would help minimize such problems. And perhaps, say you have a roommate, and to avoid any problem, the best ways would be for both of you to be frank with each other, if there is any problem arises.

Whenever we feel that others is wrong, cool down first and think from their perspectives. May be because of their cultural background, they are doing so. May be because of their current circumstances, that's why they are doing so.... Try to be rational, but it is easier said than done, as littlebigone says.

[debbie]

Starting out right in a relationship is important. So is looking at situations from another person's perspective. But it's really difficult to stay sane when attitude clashes occur.
I am a person who likes my room and stuff kept neat , clean and tidy.It's just one of the things tht makes me the person I am. Until last year, I was sharing my room with my sister. She is the opposite. So the room morphed into a place strewn around with clothes, books, CDs , perfume bottles, sunscreen tubes, tennis balls ...all her stuff. Naturally, I couldn't stand it. I talked to her , actually i harped and nagged, about wht I wasnt happy about. She didn't bother to clean up and we argued endlessly about it. My mum told me tht just as it was natural of me to keep my things neat, it was natural for her to keep her stuff in a mess. It portrayed our differences. Guess she is right bout tht. During exam season, my room is a mess of books.. my fault.. but ONLY books. I'm not perfect either. But other times, I believe in cleanliness. This year, my sister and I live in separate rooms and she told me " I hope you get a messy room mate next year."
I try my best to put up with the quirks of others but most times I fail. I'm not perfect yet.. but trying to be. I take this chance to also apologize to my sister for stiffling her carefree style of living..but I really can't help it. My room is so nice without you. ^_^
Promise to try in future to put up with messy ppl. Talk about attitude clashes..*sighs*

[wpyeoh]

We'll always have differences with people. It's got to be really hard to find someone you agree with in everything.(Is it even possible?) That's why we've got to accept some differences, or try to tone it down when the other person's around. If we start chucking friends away once we find that we don't agree with them, we won't have any friends left in the end.

[chenchow]

I believe that in our relationships with others, we need to look at what is our life principals that we can't tolerate. For instance, I can't tolerate people who break my trusts on them. I would be dead mad at those people and would really teach them a lesson.

However, there are also a lot of principals that I hold, but I am fine with it if others are different than me, or do what I don't subscribe to me. For instance, I am the type of person who are very decisive when I feel a lot about a matter, so for me, do first after thinking about it, and never really think too much on it. However, this may not be the style of others... In this case, I do respect others' ways of dealing, which is different from mine, but I am fine with it....

[gatecrasher]

Huh? trapped? like what?
in a situation that you've failed to change despite trying ur best and that's hard for you to escape yourself. like... err... inconsiderate roommate? ...bitchy lab partner?

[gatecrasher]

My mum told me tht just as it was natural of me to keep my things neat, it was natural for her to keep her stuff in a mess.
your mum is so cool! *envy* :twisted:
at least we don't get into constant arguments because of that though. she just nags, sometimes scolds.
but she seems to be getting used to my habits. or am i changing? cos i don't collect a huge rubbish heap at my study area nowadays, though of course it's still not as neat as she'd like.

[ElansarGelmir]

Let's say our roommates... Hmm... What if they messed up the whole room, throwing dirty laundries everywhere, borrow things without asking or even returning them? And you've showed them hints, or even confronted them... And they are still the same? Some ppl can't change their habits... What's the best way to deal with that? Just bear with them? Or tell them again and again (albeit it'll be futile)? Or simply move out?

[debbie]

YOU don't move out. Make your room mate move out. *glowers*
Tht's wht I did, make my sister move out. Talk about dirty laundry, it's not tht bad if compared to my sister's dirty sports equipment.
Euww... terrible. And she always borrow my clothes without asking.
Wht is there to do? That's who she is. Some of my classmates "borrow" my assignments without my knowledge and it's so irritating. But I don't have the heart to tell them off. Everytime tht happens, I just grit my teeth and count to ten. You can't force ppl to change. So all you can do is stay away. I plan to get a t-shirt with the print "Causes Stain;Stay Away" and wear it on when I'm with ppl who I tend to clash with. *laughs* I try to respect differences but like Elansar, I am this close to snapping out of patience. To top it up, I'm a perfectionist. So r most of my friends. When 2 perfectionists meet, expect diverse views and an explosion.
But I'm reasonable...very. And soft hearted. So not too many misunderstandings.^_^
Gatecrasher, u think my mum is cool? *laughs* Tht's a compliment. Thanks. But I cant agree with her approving my sister's mess.

[wpyeoh]

Let's say our roommates... Hmm... What if they messed up the whole room, throwing dirty laundries everywhere, borrow things without asking or even returning them? And you've showed them hints, or even confronted them... And they are still the same? Some ppl can't change their habits... What's the best way to deal with that? Just bear with them? Or tell them again and again (albeit it'll be futile)? Or simply move out?

Hmm...I think in this kind of case the best thing is to move out...or let them move out, as Debbie says. 'Cos if you force yourself to bear with them, in the end you might end up hating them...(I take it that this is a hypothetical situation? :roll: ) Like for me, I have some really good friends, but I know that if I were to move in and be roommates with them, we would probably end up with a huge disagreement.

[ElansarGelmir]

Let's say our roommates... Hmm... What if they messed up the whole room, throwing dirty laundries everywhere, borrow things without asking or even returning them? And you've showed them hints, or even confronted them... And they are still the same? Some ppl can't change their habits... What's the best way to deal with that? Just bear with them? Or tell them again and again (albeit it'll be futile)? Or simply move out?

Hmm...I think in this kind of case the best thing is to move out...or let them move out, as Debbie says. 'Cos if you force yourself to bear with them, in the end you might end up hating them...(I take it that this is a hypothetical situation? :roll: ) Like for me, I have some really good friends, but I know that if I were to move in and be roommates with them, we would probably end up with a huge disagreement.

Miraculously, i survived for a year! Whew! Well, one of them did get better, but i had to remind him like once every week about borrowing stuffs or not leaving crumbs on my table after eating bread on it without my permission.... And yeah, i can never clean the floor of my room... Coz the hour after i clean it, it will be filthy again.... yeah, thanks to the dirty laundries around... and ppl walking in and out without wearing shoes (u know, dirt got onto their feet).... I guess i'm a perfectionist as well (if i'm not slothful).... I guess i changed my attitude a bit.... Got to be more cin cai (lackadaisical) with them.... hehe... If u can't beat them, join them! And as how Arata Kochi puts it, "And to a certain extend, you control them :wink: "