{Jokes} -- short...but funny

[PeiWen]

Quarrels..
---------------------------------

A young couple drove several miles down a country road,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband
sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."


Pretending..
---------------------------------

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing
boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel
operating the boat. He was concerned about what might
happen in an emergency.

So one day out on the lake he said to his wife,
"Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a
heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."
So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room
where her husband was watching television. She sat down
next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him,
"Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having
a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner,
and wash the dishes!"

[PeiWen]

Quarrels..
---------------------------------

A young couple drove several miles down a country road,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband
sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."


Pretending..
---------------------------------

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing
boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel
operating the boat. He was concerned about what might
happen in an emergency.

So one day out on the lake he said to his wife,
"Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a
heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."
So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room
where her husband was watching television. She sat down
next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him,
"Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having
a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner,
and wash the dishes!"

[PeiWen]

Long (lucky) life
---------------------------------

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday
party when a reporter went up to him.
"Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied,
"Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port.
Good for the heart I've heard."

The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage
on Titanic."

**************************************************
Value of money
---------------------------------

Money can buy a house, but not a home.
Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock, but not time.
Money can buy a book, but not knowledge.
Money can buy food, but not an appetite.
Money can buy position, but not respect.
Money can buy blood, but not life.
Money can buy insurance, but not safety.

So you see ... money is not everything!
Therefore, if you have too much money,
please send it to me! ;-)

*****************************************************
A little English
---------------------------------

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention
how unfair it is for my client to be accused of
theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago
and barely knows his way around. What's more,
he only speaks a few words of English."

The Judge looked at the defendant and asked,
"How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said,
"Give me your wallet!"

[PeiWen]

Long (lucky) life
---------------------------------

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday
party when a reporter went up to him.
"Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied,
"Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port.
Good for the heart I've heard."

The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage
on Titanic."

**************************************************
Value of money
---------------------------------

Money can buy a house, but not a home.
Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock, but not time.
Money can buy a book, but not knowledge.
Money can buy food, but not an appetite.
Money can buy position, but not respect.
Money can buy blood, but not life.
Money can buy insurance, but not safety.

So you see ... money is not everything!
Therefore, if you have too much money,
please send it to me! ;-)

*****************************************************
A little English
---------------------------------

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention
how unfair it is for my client to be accused of
theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago
and barely knows his way around. What's more,
he only speaks a few words of English."

The Judge looked at the defendant and asked,
"How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said,
"Give me your wallet!"