roy
21-09-2007, 03:05 PM
A man goes to his golf club and, hearing that his regular caddy
will not be in that day, hires another caddy. The day goes along
pretty well and the new caddy seems quite knowledgeable. Upon
arriving at the 9th fairway, that has always been particularly
tricky for the golfer, the man turns to the boy and asks,
"Which club do you think I should use for this shot?"
The caddy says, "Sir, I know this golf course very well. The
best club for this fairway is the five iron."
The golfer gets out his five iron, lines up his shot, and hits
the ball. He smacks it really hard and it veers way off to the
right where his wife happens to be standing. It hits her in the
head and she is killed instantly.
Months go by after his wife's funeral, and the man still can't
think about golf. But after a year, he thinks, "I really loved
the game. I shouldn't let it go out of my life. It was a freak
accident. The game gave me such joy, I should at least try to
play once more and see how it feels."
He goes back to the golf course, and as luck would have it, he
gets the same caddy as last time. When they get to the 9th
fairway, he turns to his caddy and says, "Which club do you
think I should use?"
The caddy says, "Sir, I know this golf course very well. The
best club for this fairway is the five iron."
The man turns to the caddy and shouts, "You idiot! I played
here a year ago and you told me to use the five iron and I
completely missed the green."
An older man approaches a younger woman inside the mall. "Excuse
me," he said. "I've can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to
me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said,
"Sure, sir, do you know where your wife might be?"
"I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like
yours, she usually appears out of nowhere."
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and
the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching
the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men
how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't
hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner."
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the
group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Two mothers were talking about a third one who had just given birth to
triplets. "You know, that only happens one in twelve-thousand times?"
said the one. "Amazing! How did she ever find time to do any
housework?"
Little Red Riding Hood was talking through the woods on her way to
visit
her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree.
"Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you. And I'm going to eat you!"
"Eat! Eat! Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it!
Doesn't anybody f*ck anymore?"
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at
her
husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us
for a
few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty
soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door
to
his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots
downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the
bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is
the
same woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs."
A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache.
Below the picture is titled... "Got Milk".
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white
mustache. It is entitled.... "Forgot milk".
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white
mustache on it. It is entitled ...."Not Milk...."
Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Commander Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the "Commander" stand for?
Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in front of your
name,
not a damn thing
When the Software industry had badly gone down hill, three software
giants. Sun, SCO(UNIX), and Microsoft started producing condoms and
named them Java-condom, CondomiX, and MS-Condoms Vista respectively.
A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom didn't
fit correctly.
Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard".
They boasted that it would fit any size irrespective of the
underlying structure. Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and
found that by the time he would finish reading the instructions given
along with it, his wife would fall asleep, and he himself would
forget why he was using CondomiX.
Finally, he switched to MS-Condoms Vista. To his surprise it was so
good.....and comfortable! He used it happily.
Six months later, he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry
and complained to Microsoft. He got the following reply from
Microsoft:
A PATCH IS COMING SOON!
Tom leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss
his wife off for
drinking after work,. He gets home and finds his boss in bed screwing
his wife.
Later back at the bar, Tom tells the bartender the story.
"Wow that's awful, what did you do?"
"well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and hi-tailed it back
here.
Shoot they were just getting started, so I figure I got time for a
couple more beers."
will not be in that day, hires another caddy. The day goes along
pretty well and the new caddy seems quite knowledgeable. Upon
arriving at the 9th fairway, that has always been particularly
tricky for the golfer, the man turns to the boy and asks,
"Which club do you think I should use for this shot?"
The caddy says, "Sir, I know this golf course very well. The
best club for this fairway is the five iron."
The golfer gets out his five iron, lines up his shot, and hits
the ball. He smacks it really hard and it veers way off to the
right where his wife happens to be standing. It hits her in the
head and she is killed instantly.
Months go by after his wife's funeral, and the man still can't
think about golf. But after a year, he thinks, "I really loved
the game. I shouldn't let it go out of my life. It was a freak
accident. The game gave me such joy, I should at least try to
play once more and see how it feels."
He goes back to the golf course, and as luck would have it, he
gets the same caddy as last time. When they get to the 9th
fairway, he turns to his caddy and says, "Which club do you
think I should use?"
The caddy says, "Sir, I know this golf course very well. The
best club for this fairway is the five iron."
The man turns to the caddy and shouts, "You idiot! I played
here a year ago and you told me to use the five iron and I
completely missed the green."
An older man approaches a younger woman inside the mall. "Excuse
me," he said. "I've can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to
me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said,
"Sure, sir, do you know where your wife might be?"
"I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like
yours, she usually appears out of nowhere."
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and
the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching
the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men
how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't
hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner."
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the
group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Two mothers were talking about a third one who had just given birth to
triplets. "You know, that only happens one in twelve-thousand times?"
said the one. "Amazing! How did she ever find time to do any
housework?"
Little Red Riding Hood was talking through the woods on her way to
visit
her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree.
"Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you. And I'm going to eat you!"
"Eat! Eat! Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it!
Doesn't anybody f*ck anymore?"
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at
her
husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us
for a
few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty
soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door
to
his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots
downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the
bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is
the
same woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs."
A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache.
Below the picture is titled... "Got Milk".
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white
mustache. It is entitled.... "Forgot milk".
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white
mustache on it. It is entitled ...."Not Milk...."
Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Commander Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the "Commander" stand for?
Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in front of your
name,
not a damn thing
When the Software industry had badly gone down hill, three software
giants. Sun, SCO(UNIX), and Microsoft started producing condoms and
named them Java-condom, CondomiX, and MS-Condoms Vista respectively.
A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom didn't
fit correctly.
Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard".
They boasted that it would fit any size irrespective of the
underlying structure. Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and
found that by the time he would finish reading the instructions given
along with it, his wife would fall asleep, and he himself would
forget why he was using CondomiX.
Finally, he switched to MS-Condoms Vista. To his surprise it was so
good.....and comfortable! He used it happily.
Six months later, he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry
and complained to Microsoft. He got the following reply from
Microsoft:
A PATCH IS COMING SOON!
Tom leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss
his wife off for
drinking after work,. He gets home and finds his boss in bed screwing
his wife.
Later back at the bar, Tom tells the bartender the story.
"Wow that's awful, what did you do?"
"well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and hi-tailed it back
here.
Shoot they were just getting started, so I figure I got time for a
couple more beers."