A simple joke --> I like it

[yogurt_addict]

a boy and a girl are dating each other in a park.
suddenly the girl feel like wanna fart but she thinks it's kinda awkward to fart in front of her lovely boy....

So...

Girl:"do u ever heard of the sound of "Puh-Gu" bird?"
Boy: "what bird is tht? I never heard of it..."
Girl:"would u like to hear?"
Boy: "oh, sweetie, certainly..."
Girl: (loudly)"PUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH....GUUHHHHHH" (fart at the same time)
Girl:"do u get it? how do u think?"
Boy: "the sound of farting is too loud, can u repeat?"

------------------end----------------------------



u might think it's not funny, but i really laughed my heart out when i read this joke (i read chinese version)...and it helps to relieve the stress of spm too

[chess_the_world]

poor boy. yup, it's not funny imo.

That girl has no manners and self respect.

[vseehua]

If you want to fart, just fart :P

[luke]

If people apologize if they burp, why don't people apologize if they fart? :nod
So, fart first, apologize later :P

p/s: since the joke fell short (sorry there), we should recycle this thread for other jokes :amuse

[kana]

Congrats! your phone have been installed with a new puzzle game! To play just throw your phone against the wall and arrange back the pieces........its fun.Try it!

My friend sms me this.I don't know if it seems like a joke to you but it really make me laugh.

[luke]

Congrats! your phone have been installed with a new puzzle game! To play just throw your phone against the wall and arrange back the pieces........its fun.Try it!
Sweet! Is it compatible with my Nokia phone? :nuts

Reminded me of this small graffiti I saw next to the stop switch at the back of a RapidKL bus: "sila tekan & tunggu bunyi beep utk tinggalkn msg" ...

[Thirdshifter]

Life's like a box of...Um. Life like eating red hot chili peppers, What you eat today is going to burn your ass tomorrow.

[kana]

Sweet! Is it compatible with my Nokia phone? :nuts

Reminded me of this small graffiti I saw next to the stop switch at the back of a RapidKL bus: "sila tekan & tunggu bunyi beep utk tinggalkn msg" ...

:nodhahaha sure its compaible for all phones as long as you have one! my friend told me that she saw a hawker shop with a banner JANGAN KETAWA! :laugh

[yogurt_addict]

as i noe "jangan ketawa" was a local tv show N years b4....... the show is funny and revolves around hawkers, stalls....

[Aelean]

haha
i found it funny

[yummyummylicious]

i heard this from one of my seniors years ago....

Molly's dad loves to watch football matches ...

Molly : Dad, why men play football better than female?

Daddy : Oh, its because those with 'balls' can play ball ( football ) better...:P

its just a joke, for those who dont get the meaning / dont understand this joke, pls dont call me to explain becoz its kinda hard to explain...:P

[kommy]

this poem was written by an african kid....
when i born i black,
when im growin up i black,
when i go n sun i black,
when i scared i black,
when i sick i black,
And when i die i black.

And u white fella,
when u born u pink,
when u grow up u white,
when u go n sun u red,
when u scared u yellow
when u sick, u green,
And when u die u grey...

And u callin me colored!
hehe d irony.:wink

[Al-Bert]

What is Marketing?

1.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing

2.You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very
rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

3.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich.
Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

4.You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a
drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer
her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

5.You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."

That's Brand Recognition.

6.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback

7.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say,
You: "Hi"
Her: "I'm broke"
You: "I'm rich. Marry me"

That's Technical Support

[PeiWen]

What is Marketing?

1.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing

2.You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very
rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

3.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich.
Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

4.You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a
drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer
her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

5.You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."

That's Brand Recognition.

6.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback

7.You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say,
You: "Hi"
Her: "I'm broke"
You: "I'm rich. Marry me"

That's Technical Support


That's a nice one... LOL

[Gabrielle90]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[Gabrielle90]

"Mommy, my turtle is dead," Little Johnny sorrowfully told his mother,?
holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right, dear. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, and have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet..." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Little Johnny, you're turtle is not dead after all."

"Oh," the disappointed Little Johnny said, "can I kill it?"

[Al-Bert]

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." "What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!" With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing and prodding, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark".

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went berserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat(CT) scan....

[alepbing]

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see
if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big
garage sale and gave all my money to the church,
would that get me into Heaven?'


'NO!' the children answered.



'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard,
and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me
into Heaven?'

Again, the answer was, 'NO!'



By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy
to all the children, and loved my husband, would that
get me into Heaven?' I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, 'NO!'



I was just bursting with pride for them.
Well, I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'





A five-year-old boy shouted out,
'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'

[nhling]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

This is really funny. The funniest I have read. Bravo

[Destiny_Child]

haha..agreee..dat's funny:)

[Gabrielle90]

Have u heard these proverbs for a "HEALTHIER" life?
* If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

* Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage
makes you a mechanic.

* Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

* My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

* Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

* No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

* A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change
places.

* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

* Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before
you need it.

* Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when
you make it again.

* By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

* Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

* Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

[Gabrielle90]

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'... He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

[Gabrielle90]

An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

[JetLee0510]

Two molecules are walking down the street; one bumps into the other and says:
"Oh, my fault, you okay??
The Second Molecule says: "No, I'm not ok, I've lost an electron!" So the first molecule says: "Are you sure" the second molecule answers, "I'm positive!"

[Gabrielle90]

Haircut

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

Joey says, "To your house!"

[Gabrielle90]

Pregnancy Question

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's
office. After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you...,"
to which the doctor replies, "I know, I know," placing a reassuring hand on
her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

[Gabrielle90]

There Is No Fish There

One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...".
Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..."
The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears.
She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?"

"NO! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE!

[Gabrielle90]

Good And Bad News

Doctor: "I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "Oh no! then what's the bad news?"
Doctor: ?I forgot to call you yesterday."

[senksiang90]

Sincerely, the jokes here are great!! however, with such a wide range of coverage nowadays, we can easily find simple and funny jokes on the net now. Haha.. on the net..

[Al-Bert]

Lol, Gabrielle90 has became the biggest jester in ReCom!

[aitheng]

4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while
waiting for their wives birth giving.
Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,
'congratulation, you got twins!'.
'Ohh.. maybe its a coincident' said the daddy. 'I am working with
the Petronas Twin Towers'.
Then another
nurse came out and told to the second daddy,
'congratulation! you have triplets!'
'Wooow!, this is a coincident too' said the second daddy. ? 'I am
working for 3M Corporation'
Another nurse came out and told the third daddy, ?
'Congratulation! Isteri you dapat kembar empat,'
'Alhamdulillah! Maybe this is also a coincident'. 'I kerja di Four Season Hotel!'
While, the fourth daddy-to-be were in uncontrolled worry.
All the 3 daddies asked him,
why are you seems so worry??'
He answered, 'I am working with Seven-Eleven!'

[Alexis Ma]

hahahhaa.... But I've read it before. Reader's Digest is the great destroyer of jokes :D

[extreme]

hmm i got a joke but i dunno how to make it funny..
this is real life joke.
a lecturer is teaching the class about fleming left hand rule.. which is this

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Left_hand_rule.png

after teaching frustratingly one student still doesn;t understand. the basic rule is to remember FBI which start from the thumb which is force, magnetic field then direction of current. so the teacher ask ok now boy which 1 is the finger of current. unknowingly the boy showed the middle finger to the lecturer. everyone went beserk laughing non stop even the lecturer wanted to LOL but can't.
:)):))

Another joke is. A student checked the discipline book and saw a funny punishment for a very innocent thing. the students wrongdoing is farting in class and made everyone laugh thus disturbing the lesson. when i heard this story it's damm funny. imagine a student get a discipline record just because he farts.:):)

[extreme]

Dear IT Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I?ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Housewife


below is the reply from IT support
################################################################################


Dear Desperate Housewife,
First keep in mind:
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download
Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.
Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.
Good Luck,
IT Support
################################################################################

[chongkeat]

Here's another one:


Quick Guide to Programming Languages


TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways because you have no exception-handling capability.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic: You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Unix:

% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.

Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.


Heh, I especially like the Visual Basic one......

[Herlene]

A customer called in with modem problems.

* Tech Support: "Ok, we're going to check your modem settings. First thing we need to do is make sure all programs are closed."
* Customer: "How do I know if everything is closed?"
* Tech Support: "Make sure all windows are closed."
* Customer: "But...I'm in the basement. I don't have any windows here."

[henry_yew]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmtgnEXjvvI

Habis cerita dongeng.

[kana]

what is the sexiest thing on earth?

X-Ray... it reveals everything under ur cloth n ur skin.....