~* The Art of Communicating and Making Friends

[iQing]

<img src=http://202.102.202.102/hillcat/book/jmzl/zouyou/zuoyou/0004.GIF>


Making friends and communicate with other people is extremely important in life...
Having many true friends is elusive as well...
on this thread let?s discuss how we can make friends with other people...

I believe some of us who has studied overseas have better exposure and we know how people from different countries behave...
Let?s share our experience on our observation on how various people communicate...

this would be fun and we can learn a lot from each other?s experience in life....

[chenchow]

I think one of the main essence will be to be sincere when making friends. You need to treat others as equal and as friends, before expecting others to do the same.

We need to learn how to communicate and I guess we must respect the differences among your friends. For instance, I sit in the International Students Programming Board over here, where the members consist of students from all continents, perhaps except Antartica, with people from Nicaragua to Honduras to Madagascar to Ukraine to Malaysia to France and Canada to Nigeria... And we need to think of issues of concern to international students from 126 countries.

With such wide representation, everyone's culture, working style is very diverse and different. We need to give and take and learn from one another. Tolerance is essential and for many, English is not their first two languages, and hence, it will be difficult to communicate. We thrive through understanding and I think communication skills are essential.

[iQing]

What I have learn is that everyone is different and has his/her own style of living and personality.
Sometimes when he/she does do or speak according to what we expect, we might get angry...

for example if I wish a girl and the girl doesn?t respond to me, I might get angry etc.

in truth she might have her own reason to do so, or it?s just her own personality...

therefore I have learn that our expectation shouldn?t be too high...

When we see a girl smoke, or if a guy keeps very very long hair + having ear piercing, some people will think that?s bad... or some people may look down on them... this show that they have high expectation towards other people..

If we expect a lot from others, I believe many of them can?t satisfy us and we will get upset easily... and we won?t live a happy life right?

I believe if we want to live in harmony, we should lower our expectation towards others and accept what people are...

the only expectation I have for others is that other people should not be nasty... otherwise they are crossing the limit...

that?s all for now...

[chenchow]

Personally, I would not view this in terms of high vs low expectation, but I would look at it as different social value. Different people will view different things differently. We may think that something is acceptable in our culture, but people from other culture would think otherwise... It is just the way we live and the way we interact. Learn others' culture and understand why they do differently.

Even within our own country, there is a lot to learn, from various ethnic races. I bet, we may not even know most of the culture in our own race or religion. So, every new experience is a learning process!

[iQing]

Personally, I would not view this in terms of high vs low expectation, but I would look at it as different social value. Different people will view different things differently. We may think that something is acceptable in our culture, but people from other culture would think otherwise... It is just the way we live and the way we interact. Learn others' culture and understand why they do differently.

Even within our own country, there is a lot to learn, from various ethnic races. I bet, we may not even know most of the culture in our own race or religion. So, every new experience is a learning process!

I agree with you. according to my experience. When I am in germany I learn a lot from the europeans and vice versa.. not to mention that we have culture shock from each other as well..

we do things really differently but if we can take time to listen and observe, we will really gain a lot from these people.

I think to learn things from other people we should initiate the conversation and always ask whenever we will curious about something new.

[ElansarGelmir]

the only expectation I have for others is that other people should not be nasty... otherwise they are crossing the limit...

Wah, my friends and i used to play prank call when i was in Singapore, until my friend played it on the wrong person. That guy went up and complained to the boarding master (kind of sobber), and we kinda get into trouble for that. Since that day, i dared not do that anymore. Hehehe.... Perhaps each people has their own values... To me, prank calls are just jokes. To others, it is sensitive to them. So if i met someone who enjoys playing prank calls as much as i do, hell, i'll be enjoy playing it on him. hehe...

[pandaboy]

You guys can be considered lucky as you all have experience studying in other countries. But anyway, even though I didnt have the chance to study overseas (hopefully in future, I will), I had my own experience and cultural shock too.

I'm from secondary school which is not well known. Then, I continue my studies in Taylor's College. My first few months there was not so good, with all the "shocking" scenes like girls smoking, revealing outfits, heavy makeups, piercings, etc... Dont laugh at me as I never experience this in school before. But anyway, time really heals and I get used to those things later.

Friends are important. But sad to say, I dun have those friends that can really be considered as friends. Why I say so? This is because most of my friends (classmates) have the "kiasu" attitude which I hate a lot. Besides, they like to act.....for example, pretend that they dont know and ask me questions and many more. But anyway, I managed to go through all these and glad that I finally completed my course. Anyhow, I still treat them as my friends throughout my one and a half years there and we do have some happy moments together too.

There's one thing that my so-called best friend told me before. She told me that there is no such thing as true friends in this world. How true is this? In my opinion, it's true. Most ppl are selfish by nature. Or should I say 99% of the ppl I know are selfish or self-centred. It's very obvious, as when they need my help, they will treat me nice and when they dont need my help, they are nowhere to be seen. Only naive ppl will help other ppl without thinking about himself. I admit that I'm quite naive too. I always felt that it's hard to say no when ppl ask me for help. When I said no, I felt guilty for not helping that person. This is one of my weaknesses.

Anyway, no man is an island. We all need friends, rite?

[The_Observer]

Honesty is the best policy.

The truth hurts but it is so powerful that it can heal so much pain and bitterness.
If we can learn to be truthful always...I guess we won't have much of a problem, would we?

[pandaboy]

Honesty is the best policy.

The truth hurts but it is so powerful that it can heal so much pain and bitterness.
If we can learn to be truthful always...I guess we won't have much of a problem, would we?

Yup, I agree. I will always like to know the truth even though it's hurtful. It's very hurtful when u didnt realise that what u know is a lie and believed that it was true until u finally found out the truth after a long period of time.

[Kevinlim]

I agree that honesty is the most important thing in friendship even though the truth might hurt. but from the truth, we learn yo immprove and be a better person. It's easy to get friends but hard to get true friends. We need to appreciate the friendship we have now. One more thing I would like to say about friendhip is that friends need to understand each other better and don't jump into conclusion without getting things clear. I also think that friends can share their thoughts openly as long as it is not over the limit. THis will be nice won't they?

[iQing]

thanx for sharing....
not many people are honest in this world as I have experience a series of friendship betrayal in life...

--------------

OK... now let?s talk about a tool that enable us to keep in touch and communicate....

<u>Instant Messenger</u>

Via instant messenger we can chat in real time and we feel closer to each other.

I hope the members of this SIG will display thier Instant Messenger contact info so that we can add each other and keep in touch.

If you don?t have any instant messenger I hope you will download one today...

Here are a few IM that I am using...

<img src=http://img.tradedoubler.com/images/fr/hosting/msn/msn_messenger_logo.gif>

MSN Messenger

- This is a common Messenger where you can download it at messenger.msn.com
- It enables file sharing
- It enables you to use emoticon, upload your background, display picture and select your display nickname.
- You can use webcam and microphone here.
- There?s eMail alert in it.
- It?s fast and simple...
- Many people are using it.


<img src=http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:CrUgjOJJZtsJ:vairetto.free.fr/principal/logo_yahoomess.gif>

Yahoo Instant Messenger

- This is another common IM. Many people use it.
- It enable emoticon, display picture and background.
- It enables file sharing
- You can buzz your friend with IM
- You can use web cam and microphone.
- There are many lively audibles
- You can send messege to offline friends.


<img src=http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:hGeB5C5-wq0J:www.kotyk.com/images/sj/icqlogo.gif>

ICQ

- It?s popular as well.
- You can add AIM users.
- it enables file sharing
- u can use web cam here.
- You can search for friends in a region or friend of same interest.


<img src=http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:hG6LZZDN5lcJ:www.infosatellite.com/images/articlepics/aol_im_logo.gif>

AOL Instant Messenger

- It?s popular amongst americans
- You can add ICQ users.



That?s all for now.
I hope all will display your contact info so that we can keep in touch...



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<img src=http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:HmaVwt3NctsJ:www.tastypopsicle.com/images/friendster_logo.jpg>

Friendster

- www.friendster.com
- try and use friendster.
- you can add pictures
- you can write testimonials for your friends
- you can search for friends.
- you can make announcement amongst your network

[The_Observer]

Trillian, Trillian , Trillian!!!

[Kevinlim]

Trillian, Trillian , Trillian!!!

what does that means? :P

[pandaboy]

Trillian, Trillian , Trillian!!!

what does that means? :P

He's supporting trillian (or protesting because iQing didnt mention Trillian in his post?) :lol:

Trillian combines MSN, AIM and ICQ. Did i miss out on anything? :roll:

[Kevinlim]

oh... do trillian means instant messengers? thanks pandaboy.

[pandaboy]

oh... do trillian means instant messengers? thanks pandaboy.

No no, trillian is a software which combines MSN, ICQ and AIM all in one. I'm sorry if I make u confused, Kevinlim.

[Kevinlim]

oh... do trillian means instant messengers? thanks pandaboy.

No no, trillian is a software which combines MSN, ICQ and AIM all in one. I'm sorry if I make u confused, Kevinlim.

ahaha.... sorry to bother u, coz i haven't heard of this software before... how does it combines MSN, ICQ n AIM alll in one?

[mueez]

I like this topic regarding making friends and mixing around... when I was in Sunway College, I find it hard to be friendly with people around me because that was my first time leaving in an english environment... the funny thing is my grandpa always told me to befriend with non-malays coz for him malays should learn the good things other races have... I tried to but the thing is I was kinda sad for having a setback in my language skills especially in english conversation... but I really glad to be part of Sunway coz I realized that the experience really gave me motivation to practice having conversation in english... luckily I don't have much problem right now since I'm right now in the States...

I agree one of important personality is honesty. Sincerity is very essential. Expectation on the other hand is sometimes not required for me because I believe people is subjective and I like observing people first but normally what I thought about the person will not always be correct.. that's why for me to learn about the person is by making approach... but hey, I still can't approach people very much coz I'm still on my struggle with my language (heh... actually this is always the excuse I give coz hehe maybe bcoz I don't have the guts :( )

But I'll try my best to befriend with others coz my dad told me to make friends as many people as you can... don't just befriend with the circles you already know... everytime I go somewhere else, my dad will ask me, "how many friends you got??".. and I just smile, a sign of no hehe :D really feel bad but I think I must try and never give up to try be friendly with others.. my dad said, "I want you to make a thousand friends before you start to work." I haven't count how many people I know since I was in standard 1 (actually, I did not go to kindergarten)

I like to make friend but I don't know in real life I'm not as friendly as I in this virtual world 8) need to work with my real life personality, to be more friendly :roll:

[chenchow]

mueez, it is very nice that you take the initiative to get to know others, especially from those not within your circle of friends.

I have met some alumni of my university, and two of the very popular remarks made by the alumni would be that some of them said that what they appreciate the most would be that they manage to know people from very diverse culture during their studies in university. And some other alumni have also told me that they regret not making full use of the college life to make more friends, especially friends not from their fraternity/sorority, not from their own countries, not from their own interests etc.

From those two examples, I could deduce that making friends diversely is very essential. Anyone has anything to share in particular on this note?

[jiinjoo]

I on the other hand have tried and failed many times to get to know non-Chinese myselfs so that I learn more about their good things too. It unfortunate that we grew up in a very shielded environment for many years before we get to interact with other people.

And today I still can count the number of Malay and Indian friends (or any other Malaysian races for that matter) that I know very well with my 10 fingers. Hope that this will get better when I leave the US and put myself in a position to interact freely.

mueez, I suggest that you post more often to this forum as practise. From my experience, knowing how to say a word and spell it right at the same time actually improves the vocabulary. You can also read what people say at your own pace, that way you can note the way people phrase sentences, which helped me a lot at least.

[mueez]

yup... I think reading english replies in recom will help me learning the language.. I agree with you, jinjoo... interesting to learn how people express their thoughts coz they play with the language not always the same way we use it... I'm positive that I'll learn a lot from this forum...

like jinjoo said, we grown up in a closed environment for years... just wanna share something I learn from Sunway... when I was in Sunway, I got used to chat with my Chinese friends... then when we got problem with the visa, we joined PPP UiTM... and hei, I just feel weird to see the people in PPP staring at me walking while chatting happily with my Chinese friends... I just don't understand why they don't see this opportunity to open up and mix around... I don't know whether a heresay I heard is true or not coz I heard the Chinese in PPP play soccer at night... I feel bad about it coz in Sunway, we play soccer together... still a memorable reminiscence remembering how we all play soccer in the parking lot... I love being in Sunway more than PPP because I like to mix around...

Just now, I met with my Chinese friend and had a short chat... I like the feeling when we were both kinda blur whether to use english or malay to communicate... and this really reminds me back in Sunway when the Malays speak english to the Chinese and the Chinese always wanna speak Malay with us... but the thing is, we have a good relationship... though I can't mix around with all the people in Sunway, but I feel a lot better by learning to make friend with my Chinese friends... I just don't wanna feel regret like chenchow said it'll be a good opportunity to befriend with people from different backgrounds...

I'll make myself active here to learn the language and yes to improve it :o

[youngyew]

I don't know whether a heresay I heard is true or not coz I heard the Chinese in PPP play soccer at night...


If I am not mistaken, the PPP that you meant is the now renamed INTEC (International Education Centre). IF that is what you meant, as one who had just came out from there, I think the hearsay is partly true. In INTEC, some chinese guys play soccer at night among themselves; while in the evening, some of them actually do play soccer together with Malays, but most of the time it is "chinese team" against "malay team". Depending on the players, sometimes the match can get very friendly but when certain racially biased players are holding the balls, the opponents can get really fired. These are rare cases, I believe.

However, it is not true if you were to deduce that relationships between chinese and malay in INTEC are bad or non-existent. Whilst many, if not most people feel more comfortable to mingle with friends of their own race; there are many "gangs" which see the formation of very intimate bond between different races and different genders. There is one "gang" in my course which is the vivid example of these, it consists of chinese guys and girls and also malay guys and girls. I can confidently say that they shared tears and laughters together in every precious moment with their ardent and young heart. And yeah, there are a few couples of different races too.


I like the feeling when we were both kinda blur whether to use english or malay to communicate... and this really reminds me back in Sunway when the Malays speak english to the Chinese and the Chinese always wanna speak Malay with us...


Well, personally I always face the same problem. So would Malays prefer to talk to them in English or Malay? For me, when I was back in the hostel, I would prefer to talk in Malay when Iwas talking to Malay friends, because I felt that it was a gesture of showing intimacy. In some cases, speaking english to malay forms a barrier, that was my subconscious notion.

[pandaboy]

oh... do trillian means instant messengers? thanks pandaboy.

No no, trillian is a software which combines MSN, ICQ and AIM all in one. I'm sorry if I make u confused, Kevinlim.

ahaha.... sorry to bother u, coz i haven't heard of this software before... how does it combines MSN, ICQ n AIM alll in one?

I actually never tried that program before, but that's what I know about the program. Now I think they even have IRC in it (their latest version). Download it and try it yourself. Probably you'll like it! :wink:

[pandaboy]

Interesting share of experience there....
I feel like I'm having language barrier here as well...
I dont know why, it just seems like our topic of discussion doesnt click~

:(

[mueez]

youngyew.. thanks for sharing.. maybe i just don't really know about intec so well because i only been there for less than 3 months... that's why we from sunway did not experience the bond very well with the people in intec at that time... even some of my friends thought people from sunway are too much with joy and laughter coz they saw us too happy together... i don't really know what exactly they feel about us, coz i don't really stay at the hostel... i stayed at home since my house is also in shah alam :D

again thanks for sharing...about the language barrier... sometimes we malays might feel the same way, to feel closer by speaking english to chinese... but, it doesn't matter for me as long as we work it out for the conversation... and for me that's the best chance to practice english coz it's really hard to have english chat with malays coz the best way is using malay language...

pandaboy, sometimes i had that kind of situation but one thing never let me down, people around here does not look down at us though they know the language sometimes makes barrier for us, the foreigners... that's why i learn a lot to have courage speaking english in US better than at home... don't know why back at home the environment discourage me very much... it'll be better from time to time, i think... we might need to be more open and mix around so to learn about many things we never heard of before...

[ElansarGelmir]

my dad will ask me, "how many friends you got??".. and I just smile, a sign of no hehe

My dad will never be interested in how many friends i have (though i can prove to him that the number of my friends is e^x (x = time). Haha... Well, what my dad wants me to have is good friends rather than more friends. Good friends are always better than lots of friends because the former will be the ones who are always there for you. Thus, i can say i have lots of friends (there are some whom i don't remember their names) but i have very negligible amount of good friends.

Anyway Mueez, if u are in INTEC now, enjoy the Keningau burger!

[chenchow]

While this may not sound intuitive, one of the reasons why we set up ReCom, is also to help Malaysians build up friendships, and get to know each other more, beyond the boundary of race, ethnicity or religion.

[pandaboy]

One big question:

How do you guys in overseas get used to local accents?

[PeiWen]

pandaboy wrote:
One big question:

How do you guys in overseas get used to local accents?

Well, I think when you're in Rome, do what a Roman does. Sooner or later, one will accustomed to the local accents there and not to mention local cultures and norms. It's always just a matter of time to get yourself adapted to the environment in a certain place.

[pandaboy]

pandaboy wrote:
One big question:

How do you guys in overseas get used to local accents?

Well, I think when you're in Rome, do what a Roman does. Sooner or later, one will accustomed to the local accents there and not to mention local cultures and norms. It's always just a matter of time to get yourself adapted to the environment in a certain place.

I hope so....time seems to prove everything, right? But then again....when is the time? 10 years? :cry:

[PeiWen]

Haha..well that depends on individual...some people can adapt to the sitaution or environment very fast..while some other may take a long time, as they keep thinking of their hometowns, and everything new to them seems so strange and they just rather reluctant to put in effort to accustom to it. Humans are flexible factor, while environment is always the passive one, so you have to change according to the environment in order to survive in it, or perhaps you are able to change the environment but that would even take more input. so why don't just change yourself to suit the condition? :wink:

[pandaboy]

Haha..well that depends on individual...some people can adapt to the sitaution or environment very fast..while some other may take a long time, as they keep thinking of their hometowns, and everything new to them seems so strange and they just rather reluctant to put in effort to accustom to it. Humans are flexible factor, while environment is always the passive one, so you have to change according to the environment in order to survive in it, or perhaps you are able to change the environment but that would even take more input. so why don't just change yourself to suit the condition? :wink:

True true...but I'm just me. I'm always like that. It took me 3 months to settle down in college too when I did my Alevels. But it's already 3 months here in the UK and I'm still not very settled down yet...

[shermern3]

Try to get a core group of friends. Stick with them... And you guys can help each other out exploring the new world...

[pandaboy]

Try to get a core group of friends. Stick with them... And you guys can help each other out exploring the new world...

Yeah, wish I have that kind of friends. Anyway, why are you not logged in, Sher Mern?

[budakkerek]

wow...cool thread

Hmm..as far as i remember, i nvr had any prob, making friends or adapting myself to a new environ. Maybe due to me being super-bubbly and talkative, i dont see new environs as a scary thing, but rather, as a challenge, a new world to be explored.

friends to me, are rather easy to find. All you hv to be, is be nice, and always be ready ot give a smile to whomever you see. A smile usually is a good way to start a conversation. works every time. :D

Hmm...
usually, when i meet someone new, or in a new place, i'd juz casually strike up a conversation, stimes talking bout sthing as banal as where the other person is fr, where did he go to skool, stuff like dat. If i meet him/her at a gig, maybe i'll ask that person bout music or sthing like dat. Safe topic laa, to be more exact.

Stimes, when i think again bout the friends i hv, i do wonder, how on Earth i got to be their friends? I dunno why, maybe coz i love talking to ppl. to me, everone got sthing to say, regardless of what kinda job they do, or what are their exam results. That's why, though some ppl think i'm a bit weird, for hanging out w my Petaling St boyz, i think they are juz awesome. They are juz human beings like you and me, and being friends w them doesnt mean you hv to be like them.

ppl are so intriguing, rather interesting to be around with, and we can learn so much fr each other. although i am a malay, i nvr see that as sthing that should be used as an excuse not to be friends w ppl of other races. And, i dont think you should also. One more reason why i love recom, we nvr see the colour of the skin, or sepet my eyes are and how yours are not. What matters is, we are all Msians.Cool huh?

Anyway, tip of the day:
You wanna get a friend?
you gotta look like one first...be approachable and always hv a smile for everyone :D

[pandaboy]

I wish I can be like you, Tazz. But I just cant, I'm me.... :(

[budakkerek]

haha...thanks for the compliment

Though sometime, ppl do get mad at me, coz i seem to chatter non-stop, regardless of the situation. But, that's only coz i'm bored. I'll be mumbling to myself..or disturbing my freinds who are sitting nearby ahahah..jahat! :P

pandaboy, that's the whole point. If everyone is like me, then i think i wont ever wanna be friends w anyone. Coz it'll be like seeing me evrywhere. Scary man.. 8O

just dont think of it as hard.
You can go slow, maybe a smile today, a nod the next and a "hi" the day after. I know it's not easy to make friends esp w ppl you dont know. I hv the jitters too stimes, esp when facing a guy i like ahahah...but hey, you gotta try. After all, ther's nothing wrong w hvg one more friend. More ppl to invite to dat big party of yours ^_^

[PeiWen]

Anyway, tip of the day:
You wanna get a friend?
you gotta look like one first...be approachable and always hv a smile for everyone

BUdakerek, thanks for the tip. It's really at its place, many times, you have to take he initiative to be friendly, in order to have others treating you the same way. That's why, if you do not want to experience bad feelings or having others hold grudges on you, then make sure yourself are good and benign at all times....
Believe in retribution, and believe that, if you do good, others will notice it and appreciate it somehow... :wink:

[pandaboy]

But I'm too lazy man.....Ok..I can smile...but I'm too lazy to start a conversation (lazy to think what to say ma....stress..lol). Even if they start a conversation, I can just answer them..too lazy to ask them questions in return. What 's wrong with me .. :roll:

[PeiWen]

pandaboy wrote:
What 's wrong with me ..

Eh...what's wrong with ya....lazy to exercise your brain? Or ythose friends are not of your type? Well, birds of the same feather flock together... :roll:

[pandaboy]

pandaboy wrote:
What 's wrong with me ..

Eh...what's wrong with ya....lazy to exercise your brain? Or ythose friends are not of your type? Well, birds of the same feather flock together... :roll:

Couldnt get along well with everyone... I dont know why. It's already 4 months since I'm here...
I know I can talk a lot to people that I'm close with, just like how I cant stop talking to everyone in college. Damn, I miss those time.

[wpyeoh]

Hehe...for me, I simply can't talk if I have nothing to say...it's doesn't help in making friends, I can tell you. :-(

[pandaboy]

Hehe...for me, I simply can't talk if I have nothing to say...it's doesn't help in making friends, I can tell you. :-(

Yeah la...exactly what I mean. I dont have anything to talk actually, but if I want to start up a conversation, I have to think of a question to ask or something, which I'm lazy to do.

[wpyeoh]

I'm ot exactly "lazy" to find a question, but I just can't seem to find anything appropriate. I'm fine in forums because I post only when I have something to say ^_^

[pandaboy]

I'm ot exactly "lazy" to find a question, but I just can't seem to find anything appropriate. I'm fine in forums because I post only when I have something to say ^_^

U are not lazy but u just cant find anything appropriate to say? Even if you think, you still dont know what to say to the others? Erm...seems like your case is more serious than mine...lol. I'm just plain lazy, I just want my brain to have more rest... :wink:

[bingzhang]

To PandaBoy

try this trick to start a conversation which i found it useful to Asian
just start the conversation with the greeting like
how are you, how are u going or what have u been doing?

some talkative people like budakerrek :P will start tellling all the things they have been doing recently. LOL. It's usually easy to talk to these people. What you need to do is just ask a couple of questions from the topic they have been telling. This will always keep the conversation going on. Also make yourself looked like really interested on whatever they say and they will love to tell you more.

strategy to some people who are not talkative would be trying to ask some common questions like where are you from (this especially helpful when you are in oversea and meet a lot of foreigners) or do u like sports, what sort of sports do you like or what sort of music do u like? from there, start your conversation and try to find a chance to go to a topic where both of you are interested (if possible) and have a chat on that. one thing to make sure is dont make your converstation full a lot of question and remember dont be like the police officer asking the question to the criminal coz thsi will make the conversation really bored. if you find no topic to chat on or no topic taht u are or they are interested, stop for while like go to take some drinks. lets both of you have a rest for a while and just go on if you meet them again. don't force yourself and your chatting partner. just let it be.

to me, these strategies work very well and i dont find any problem of talking to strangers or making new friends. but, i think these strategies can't help u make good or real friends coz you will need to show your heart and sincere in order to make one.

like other said, show your smile no matter how ugly it is coz it will always give people a very good first impression. like this one ---> :)

[pandaboy]

Wow, thanks a lot bingzhang. I'm trying to apply what you preach now....kinda works. But sometimes, when I'm just too moody...nothing works at all...

Anyway, thanks!

One question....when someone asks you, "How's it going?" , how are you supposed to answer them?

"Everything's fine"?

"I'm fine?"

"It's going great"? <-----What is "it'??? :roll:

I'm just confused... :?

[wpyeoh]

Yeah, I always answer "fine" and then I have nothing else to say. Especially if when I ask that person in return he/she says "fine" as well...

[bingzhang]

I once asked my Australian friends with the same question as well that how should I answer if someone asking me "How is it going?".

He said he usually would just say "Not much, just hang around/ just going to uni and working (or whatever u wanna say)". Some people like to ask "what is happening?" which has same meaning according to my Australian friend. Hence, you could just answer the question with the same sentence.


"It's going great." <-- Hehe, no idea, never got it before. Tell me if you have found it out.

Usually, if u want to further the conversation, you just probably tell the person what have u been doing recently like "Not bad, except rushing for some assignments since last week. I just have 5 assignments due this week." Experience tells me that if often works as the other person will share with u the same experience of rushing assignments. This particular works to your unimate coz most of the people would have to face the exams or submit assignments at same certain weeks. Thus, conversations starts.

If your chater just answer you fine, you might want to see his/her reaction first. Is he/she sort of people who are just like us that don't really know how to chat or he/she doesn't feel like want to chat at that time?

First situation. if you just know him/her, just ask him/her some common questions and aware of the topics he is interested and that go further with the topic. This is what i learnt from a book where chat something interest people but not yourself. If you have known him/her for sometime, you could probably share some things happened in your life with him. This would help to carry on the conversations.

Second situation. Find an excuse and shut up until you think it's the right time to chat again. :lol:

[pandaboy]

Thanks wpyeoh and bingzhang.

From what I observed, many people will just answer, "Fine" or "Great!" and then proceed to tell about what is so great and fine...

But as for me, a person who always speak so little...I will say "Not bad, how about you?" and let the person who asked speak and I will just listen...lol...

Do you think this is a good idea?

Many people are like me...not much to talk. Is this considered something bad? We're used to being like this all the time....To be frank, it's really difficult to change a person.....I'm too used to being quiet...and I can't speak in public anymore (I used to speak in assembly when I was in Form2 as I was the assistant head prefect and have to conduct assembly every week). I seemed to have lost that touch. Even doing presentations, my brain cant work and my hands kept shivering.

[bingzhang]

Personally, I don't think there anything bad or good about it. Just be youself the way you want to be and feel comfortable with it.

Take up a part time sales job if you really want to learn how to speak and persuading. It really helps.

Have a read on this book. It's a good book for me.
"How to win friends and influence people"
Dale Carnegie

[nxwen]

I have about the same problem as wpyeoh and pandaboy. I am quiet and reserved. Some time back, I used to be a loner. I will just sit at a corner and observed others. I will not take the first step to know others but wait for the other party.
However, I'm slowly improving. But it's still tough. I don't know what to ask and if the other party is quiet too, we'll be in an awkward situation. I'll be raking my brain for stuff to talk about. sigh.... I really admire those who are bubbly and seem to have endless topic.

[astrosurge]

well, interestin topic.
to be honest, i only start to value friendship and treasuring them to my best afford only during my college & uni years. i nvr had close contact with primary & secondary friends execept my troopmates in our former scout troop.

the essence of making good friendship is sincereity as i believe if you are sincere enough in your approaches & intentions, it really pays off, and of course in this sense where differences in race, religion or background was kept aside. im not sure how many of you are the muhibbah type..? i am a muhibbah type where i can be in any cliques be it in a circle of malays or indians or other non-chinese cliques. the worst part was (sad to say) im not that accepted in my own circle of chinese friends due to because i was 'too' muhibbah to be in the scout troop where majority of the members are Malays & Indians (yes, my 2ndary school is a National school). it was only me & my younger bro (also muhibbah type) are the only chinese in the troop. majority chinese are in St.John Ambulance, and imagine being in the best pure science class in form 5 where i was treated as alien as majority are chinese in the class. i even had my desk in a circle of malay & indian classmates while all the chinese are concentrated on the 'east coast' of the class. i was never visible to them. i prove to them that being the only chinese in the troop is not bad though until i was promoted as the Troop Leader when i gained majority support from my members who are majority Malays. in the troop election, i won the highest vote beating other Malay candidates who are then my secretary & Asst.Troop leader. my secret in winning the vote is to treat your subordinate nice, sincere, show them positive leadership and concern about their affairs. keeping aside racial diferences is vital as i come from a 'luar bandar' where be it chinese, malays or indians alike are still stereotypical where approaches are very important. show them we care, we value them and show them we are approachable despite the differences in race, rank (i was a king scout & a woodbadge holder) and age gap. we need to treat them as friends instead of superior-subordinate relationship. it pays of when i earn respect of many teachers especially chinese teachers where a chinese student in-charge of a non-chinese society is quite unusual in the luar bandar scene.

until i left my hometown for college, my best friends and buddies are from my scouting circle who are non chinese. we still maintain that friendship until this day and whenever i come back from UK, my old scout crew will organise an outing or a yumchar session for me. when they had Raya, i was never forgotten because they knew i crave their rendang and lemang badly. muhibbahness is indeed very cool.

when i get into college, my circle of friends changed that was because majority of my classmates are chinese, and since they come from mainly chinese schools, so it was kinda strange to them that this alien from nowhere mix and mingle along well with non-chinese. i get stared at and there was whispers behind me questioning whether i am pure chinese. i social equally as much with the chinese & the non-chinese and at the end i found a clique of friends who understands me. when we graduated from college, some even went to the same uni with me in UK and we still gather around until this day and keep close contacts.

i found few more best friends in Uni and from there onwards i cherish friendship in my best effort more than before (not forgetting my hometown scout buddies) because they are the ones who cheer me up when i was down, when i am in deep financial difficulty (student life...), when i broke up with my ex, and all those shitty situations that im stuck in - they are always there for me. i believe the essence in all pure friendship is sincereity, and trust (also likemindedness).

with the emergence of keeping-in-touch tools such as Friendster, Multiply, MSN, YM etc..i was always busy with it keeping myself up-to-date with 'friendships'. and i think its cool to have this tools around and i wish i could trace my old classmates who used to have 'not-very-nice-terms' with me to get in touch again to share personal experiences in life and perhaps, nurturing a new friendship.

thanks for sharing.