Code:By: Karl Ho BEFORE a guy gets married, he has to go through one last trial by fire. The stag night. The Spartans of ancient Greece were the purveyors of stag nights. In those days, the groom-to-be would throw a crazy party the night before his wedding to mourn his passing bachelorhood and to renew his continued allegiance to his soldier buddies. Fast forward to the 1930s where men in the United States watched 'stag movies' - short, pornographic films - at bachelor parties before the big day. Today, men do more than watch sex education clips during their last nights of freedom. In fact, stag nights can be rather sordid affairs. We'd rather die than admit it to women, but a typical stag night might include lap dances from exotic females, debauched episodes with KTV girls and drunken forays into the red light district - or worse. This is why many a bride is understandably unnerved when she hears of a bachelor's night being planned for her man. A female colleague told me: 'I've had a friend who divorced her husband because he had an affair with someone he met during his stag night. So what my husband-to-be does has a direct bearing on our marriage. 'I'd want to know what happens because it's my future happiness at stake.' But does she really need to? As a first-time stag night organiser and attendee - I helped throw one for my best bud, Lawrence, two weekends ago - I believe that stag nights are like relationships with past girlfriends. The less your wife-to-be knows, the better. In fact, if you really trust your man to want to spend the rest of your life with him, I don't see a need to push for details about that final night of revelry at all. Let me explain. Women always assume we are libidinous creatures who'll probably jump at the chance of having one final fling before marriage. But here's the shocker. Most grooms-to-be would have already outgrown the wanderlust normally associated with bachelorhood long before the big day arrives. By the time they get to the stage where they are ready to throw in their lot with that one special woman, they are unlikely to want to rise to the occasion for any hanky-panky business. This means that the stag night is perhaps one of the most overrated rituals around. Instead of painting the town red, many grooms would rather do something more low-key, like play golf. I should know. Duty-bound to remind my bud what he'll be missing when he walks down the aisle, I'd planned a night of wild proportions. It included gyrating bar-top dancers, fawning KTV hostesses and even a visit to the 'lady boys' at Orchard Towers, just to ascertain his gender preference one last time. Instead, we - the groom and his four men of honour - ended up being romanced by a guitarist at an Italian restaurant while discussing our duties at the upcoming wedding ceremony. We headed for a club later and plied him with drinks. The only time female companionship factored into that night was when three bewildered women there had their picture taken with a too-stoned-to-notice groom. We all made our separate ways home without the girls. Needless to say, the KTV mamasan was also devastated by our no-show. More often than not, I suspect, the stag night is shaped by what the groom's friends want, rather than what he wishes for himself. While the original intention of the night is still to celebrate with the groom, his friends - the organisers and funders of the night - end up imposing their ideas of what a 'fun' night should be. The groom, not wanting to be a spoilsport, then takes whatever his friends throw at him, be it a wedding dress for him to wear or a stripper. Just look at Ryan from The Bachelorette. In the Trista And Ryan's Wedding reality soap opera, viewers got a blow-by-blow account of the events leading up to his big day with Trista, including the stag night. Remember how the groom was so distraught by the advances of the exotic dancers hired by his friends that he actually cried? While I believe a bit of him was playing to the camera - not to mention the producers planted the temptresses - Ryan's experience shows how events of a stag night can sometimes go against a groom's wishes. All this, of course, shouldn't be used as excuses for a groom to betray his bride on a stag night. But it should allay the suspicions of women who feel that their husband-to-be will stray on that night. Of course, a bride is entitled to an honest answer about her man's night out with the guys. But surely she must be confident enough about her future partner to have agreed to marry him? Won't she be giving him too little credit if she insinuates that he'll stray on that night? And if your relationship does not even have such a basic level of trust, does that mean you're going to keep tabs on him and be paranoid of his every move for the rest of your lives together? My advice for women would be to just sit back, trust your man to do the right thing, and wish him a good night of partying with his pals. Lawrence's wife didn't ask him what happened on his stag night. She even shrugged when I, the best man, suggested that I'd take him to a KTV lounge. I'd like to think that's because she believes in her beau, whom she married over the weekend. Or because she called my bluff: I'd never feed my best friend to the lady boys at Orchard Towers.